I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
