Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize
