No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
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