Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
