I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Randomize