My liver just broke up with me...
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
