I smell stomach acid.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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