Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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