Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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