why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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