Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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