So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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