I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Congratulations! We have a period
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