If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
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