theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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