I'm really into asian looking animals
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
29 Times Beach Sex Ended With Sand In All The Wrong Places
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.