dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.