Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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