Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
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