She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
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