Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Sober January is a disaster.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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