i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
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I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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