Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Randomize
