I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
