The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
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