I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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