I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize