She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
what is it with giant penises always finding me
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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