I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
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