I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
