That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
23 Millennials Confess The Things They Wish They Weren’t Attracted To
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
23 Gruesome Scientific Facts That Will Make You Squirm
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.