Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
We talked him into tasing himself.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.