i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
These 23 People Had The Most Insane Spring Breaks Ever
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
25 Women On How They Let Their Oblivious Partners Know They Want To Bone
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts