i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON