Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.