Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
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We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
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You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.