he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
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