I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
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Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
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when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked