He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
He went soft
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.