Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
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Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
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We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
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