I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Drake has all the answers
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
