I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
