It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Randomize
