i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Randomize
