best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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