just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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