i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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