so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
your like the ambassador to my penis.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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