i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
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