I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
