So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Randomize
