So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
