If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
