Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
