I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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