I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Randomize
