my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Randomize
