I'm pants shitting drunk right now
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Randomize
