Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
that may or may not have been my penis.
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