I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
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