he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Randomize
