Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
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If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
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She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
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