just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Too much gin, very little bucket
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I understand Curling. That high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize