It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Randomize
