i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
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