It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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