Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
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