we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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