Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Randomize
