I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
