My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
