they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I woke up under a house in Key West
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
