i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
