OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
